"Yellow Yeller"

Brilee checked out this book called SuperHero ABC. very cute. as we were reading i found the letter Y very familiar. Monday was completely awful. i tried to jump back in the saddle a little too soon. i had a grocery list all ready to tackle wal-mart. i was trying to get us in the car immediately after feeding amdon. well, by the time i got the first morning feeding done he was napping; i dressed the three of us and waited for Amdon to wake. he woke, i fed him and then it was time for the rest of us to eat lunch. not leaving any time to do the shopping before amdon would have to eat again. ugh. i just went when brian came home for his lunch break. and now all our friendly dinners had disappeared i had to think about how i was going to feed my family by myself. love domino's pizza. i was stressing myself out over all these stupid petty things; a great big mix of things really. all day i was having an internal battle with good vs. bad amy. the good amy kept telling myself to be loving and patient. the bad amy kept reminding me how annoyed i was with brilee's preteen attitude towards me and her constant yelling at her brother (hmmm, wonder where she gets that from) and brayland's overwhelming aggressive love he has for his new bro. i know i shouldn't be annoyed with brayland's love but it happens when he is sleeping or feeding. getting a hard kiss on amdon's head greatly affects my tender nursing tools. anyway, the battle inside amongst other emotional struggles such as this unseen battle that has been there forever between my daughter and i. it all causes me to blow up at everything just like the picture; attractive, huh? yes, these are just excuses but regardless; it's real. i can't stand being inside this house anymore. i'm sick of air conditioning; it is either ice inside or wet outside. i'm sick of brilee's whining and rudeness towards her family. i'm tried of not having a partner around. i'm tried of trying to see clearly when i'm in the middle of a sleepy haze called my brain. so Yellow Yeller is so appropriate for me. she even has blond hair and is wearing on of my top three favorite colors.

today was better. it was just brayland and i; brilee hung out with her grandma all day. up until 4:30. i turned into my super hero. and it went down hill from there. so 7:30 i'm feeding Amdon and trying to read stories to bouncy brayland and bad breath brilee. all of which were so hard to ignore. so we finished the superhero abc's and brayland says, "mom, there you are." nice. and then as we played stop & go up the stairs to bed brilee says, "mom, are you going to be a nice mom tomorrow?" i guess i could be thankful that these are not my every day's and they happen just occasionally. and it sure feels good to get it out.